Monday, March 02, 2020

TIZERVIRUS

For the past two months, Flatland has been threatened by a new and mysterious disease - Tizervirus. After much hand-wringing, and a meeting of the powerful MAMBA Committee, the current Chief Circle has issued the following proclamations:

HANDSHAKES
These are forbidden, under penalty of exile. Only Jazz Hands will be an acceptable form of greeting.

PUBLIC TRANSPORT
Buses will be parked in garages for the foreseeable future. Trains and trams to be left immobile wherever they happen to be. (No change there.)

ASSEMBLY
Meetings of two or more persons are VERBOTEN. All schools to be closed. Supermarkets may remain open, provided customers maintain a five-metre gap to any other person, and selfcheck out.

SLEEPING
The use of double beds is forbidden, with enforcement by drones. Bedroom curtains must not be closed, in order to facilitate compliance checks.

MATERNITY WARDS
These will all be closed in December, for reasons that even a Triangle should be able to work out.

CARBONATED DRINKS
All banned. Only flat drinks to be permitted.

These emergency restrictions apply to all citizens below the rank of Circle.

Also, the Chief Circle and his girlfriend are pleased to announce the expected birth of a baby Circle in the summer.

In other news, Flatland has finally left the League of Medland Nations (LMN), though details have yet to be thrashed out. The LMN has threatened Flatland in the usual terms - plagues of frogs, boils, hail, and Death of the Firstborn. The Chief Circle is unimpressed, and has replied along the lines 'Bring It On'.