Saturday, March 23, 2013

Flatland Banking Crisis

Things are not good in Flatland. The Chief Circle has addressed the nation to inform its citizens that all its banks are bust. They had been imprudent enough to invest heavily in the government bonds of Lineland, whose King has since repudiated its debt. So the vaults are seriously depleted - well short of satisfying the claims of its depositors.

Several plans have been adumbrated, with a view to reducing the misery of the masses of Triangles, upon whose votes the Ruling Classes rely. A plan by which each Triangle depositor would lose 6.75% of his* savings was ruled out, and the latest proposal involves no losses to the Triangles, whilst the large number of Northland depositors will have their accounts frozen, and as likely as not will lose the majority of their money.

* Women in Flatland, naturally, are not permitted to own property or open bank accounts - this remains a bone of contention amongst a vocal minority, who refuse resolutely to utter the Peace Cry, and instead go on protest marches, chanting slogans and aligning their needle-shaped bodies in a phalanx formation, so as to injure or kill innocent males in the vicinity. They are, of course, misguided, and should be grateful to their menfolk for sparing them the opportunity to undergo a 'haircut'.

It goes without saying that the Hexagons and higher-order citizens spirited their money out of the Flatland banks some time ago. The Ambassador of Northland is far from pleased, and is demanding a naval base in Flatland, to the consternation of the other nations within the League of Medland Nations (LMN). This provides Flatlanders with their best bargaining chip; the New Worlders fear Northland expansionism, and might pony up some New World bullion in order to head off President Input of Northland and his Merry Men. This situation is getting increasingly ugly, and several LMN nations are fearful that they will suffer a similar fate.

The Hellenland citizens have been discovering painfully that prosperity does not arise from a culture of promising each other ever-increasing pensions, subsidies and handouts, and are reverting to growing real olives instead of inventing them in order to claim LMN cash. The Chief Circle is commanding my attendance, so more news on another occasion.

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