Tuesday, December 17, 2013

The Last Syllable of Recorded Time

Strange things are afoot in our beloved nation: our historical records, including those ancient scrolls rediscovered only last week (see previous posting) have vanished without trace. Official history now starts with the epoch of the Great Coalition Victory over the Powers of Darkness. All Flatland's citizens aged four or above are confused, since their birth records are now missing, and they appear to have been called into existence by some mystic force, possibly parthenogenesis.

However, the Chief Circle is exceedingly pleased with this turn of events, since no vestigial trace remains other than that of the Dear Leader and his beloved retinue of hangers-on, satraps and fellow-travellers.

Dire reports have been received regarding the Flatland cricket team, who are touring a very distant land. They have apparently suffered three consecutive drubbings, and the Dear Leader may have to issue another edict in order to purge this calamity from the national records.

Transport to and from our capital Flat City has been problematical for as long as anybody can remember - three and a half years at least! Our Senate has commissioned a report on extending sliding facilities at Flatrow or Flatwick. Both options are controversial with the locals, and the Mayor of Flat City, a jolly mop-topped buffoon, advocates a fresh facility in the remote marshes in the benighted Eastern regions.

President Input has been busily persuading the Flatkranians not to dally with the League of Medland Nations (LMN). In reality, most of the existing LMN members are heartily sick of expansion, which has resulted in all sorts of questionable characters traipsing around their respective nations, claiming overgenerous benefits and generally upsetting the indigenous voters, who are of a blinkered disposition - many of them being Daily FlatGraph readers. More trouble is brewing within the LMN financial sector; the Great Angela has finally been reconfirmed in her post, and will now proceed to expose more of the moribund banks and credit institutions that litter the LMN. This will be an ugly procedure, resulting in the demise of several supposedly 'Too-Big-To-Fail' banks, and the impoverishment of many innocent depositors. Our Dear Leader will no doubt ensure that the Royal Bank of Flatland is not one of that number.

Senator Chromatistes

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