Friday, December 13, 2013

Poles Apart

The North* Pole belongs to Flatland - this is an undeniable geographical and historical fact, amply evidenced by the continental shelf that connects it to our great democratic nation. In order to reinforce this, the Chief Circle has declared a No-Slide Zone, whereby any commercial transport from another nation is required to identify itself and request permission to slide across the zone. These permissions are readily granted in return for an appropriate quantity of FlatCoins, electronically transferred to a discreet offshore account.

*So also do the South, East and West poles, according to very ancient scrolls recently rediscovered and now on public view in the Flatland National Museum (Platinum sponsors: Hewlett Flatard). How amazingly advanced our ancestors were to write on parchments of exact A4 size!

Elsewhere, a Great Man has died. A Circle amongst Circles, his extended funeral arrangements have attracted the usual suspects of tired, worn-out and downright dodgy politicos seeking to improve their public standing by association with the Great Man. Some of these attendees attempted to amuse themselves by taking 'selfies', though their efforts clearly backfired. The President of FlatUS took a snap that showed three straight lines of differing colour, representing himself and two lesser dignitaries. His needle-sharp wife was not at all amused. A not-so-great man has also died; the Chief Circle had him executed for clapping only half-heartedly at the last Party Congress. You really cannot be too careful these days. House prices in Flatland have been rising strongly, and the Governor of the Bank of Flatland (an import from Mooseland) has suggested that measures need to be taken to moderate the housing market. This viewpoint does not gel at all with members of the ruling Coalition, who will be seeking re-election within eighteen months. The standard Flatland house design is shown here:

Meanwhile, a scion of our Royal Family has reached the South Pole, 102 years late. Many of Flatland's intelligentsia are wondering whether, in deference to history, he will perish on the return journey.

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